You hear so much today in the media and pop culture about narcissism. It seems that labeling someone a 'Narcissist' is all the rage. I have a news flash for everyone, "We are all narcissistic to some degree." We all have moments where we are self-centered and not operating from our highest self. If you cannot acknowledge this, we have a bigger problem.
Now I am not implying that there are not individuals on the far spectrum of this scale that cause great damage to their spouses, children, and employees. But here's a little secret about narcissism: it comes from a deep wound of shame and a very fragile self.
Somewhere in early child an individual did not receive sufficient love and validation of their worth. As a result, plan-B consisted of turning around and attempting to meet this need by affirming their own self-worth. Contrastingly, others were over-validated and informed they were better than everyone else. In my opinion, this can be even more damaging because the person is not motivated to move out of this false identity.
Arrogance is faux confidence
Now as an adult, a person may be arrogant, aloof, condescending, and lack empathy. But don't be fooled by the persona. This kind of individual is filled with shame and their confidence is faux. You will discover this if you are not intimidated by them and make it past their bark.
Those who possess true self-confidence are humble, kind, and compassionate. There is no need to keep up the facade of self-assuredness or an air of superiority. They do not always need to be right or elevate their status. They can both admit mistakes freely and own their strengths. Furthermore, they are kind to themselves and others.
You can feel the authenticity and safety when you are around this type of person; it feels good to be in their presence. Strive today to become this sort of individual. Have the courage to lay down the shield of your false self. Work to overcome your shame, and create a safe space to help others conquer theirs. And remember, humility is a sign of true confidence.
John Hawkins Jr., M.S., L.M.H.C.
John has helped thousands of clients overcome the hidden internal blocks which had kept them from achieving their maximum potential. Furthermore, he has assisted them in gaining clarity of their true life purpose, identifying their gifts and talents, and developing lives of greater meaning and significance.